s
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then mounted the mare and started down the town s main street. To
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anyone who saw her ride past, she gave the appearance of returning
to the ranch alone.
Since Blu wasn t due back for another day and couldn t risk being
seen, they d agreed to meet a few miles outside town.
As she made her way through Brownwood, her thoughts drifted to
what would happen in two days Blu s final mission with the wire
cutting ring. If all went well that night, her time with him could come
to an end. That had been their original agreement. But now that was
the last thing she wanted. Now she prayed he d realize they could
have a future together. However, she was realistic enough to know he
might simply ride out of her life forever.
She hoped she hadn t made a mistake by telling Blu she loved him,
that her honesty wouldn t push him away. But she couldn t tell what
her admission had done, since he d said nothing on the subject. In
fact, he d been extremely cool that morning, acting as if the incident
hadn t taken place which wasn t unusual for a man who earned
his living by keeping his inner thoughts and feelings well hidden.
Still, she wished in this instance that his outward calm would crack,
even a little, so she would have some idea of what was going on
inside his head.
* * *
As Blu prepared to leave for his meeting with the wire-cutting ring,
Delana made a decision. She couldn t let him ride away without con-
fronting him about his withdrawal from her. Ever since she d con-
fessed her love, he d pulled back both physically and emotionally. Not
that she d expected him to say the words back to her, either then or
since, though she couldn t deny that hearing them would have been
wonderful. And even though he initially must have been in shock, she
also hadn t expected him to remain so distant, as if he d shut himself
off from feeling anything.
She stood in the yard behind the house, nervously waiting for him
to return from fetching Mouse from the barn. Though her timing
wasn t the best, she had no choice. She had to confront him before he
left, because she simply couldn t allow the discord between them to
go on any longer especially when she didn t know what would
happen after he rode off that night. If Blu were seriously hurt or
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worse, killed she might not have another chance to initiate this
conversation.
The soft clomp of Mouse s hooves brought her out of her momen-
tary lapse. When Blu stopped in front of her, she took a deep breath,
then plunged in headfirst.
Before you go, she said, there s something I need to ask you.
He widened his stance and folded his arms over his chest. Okay,
what is it?
I want to know why you changed. Why you ve withdrawn from me.
I don t know what
The hell you don t. You know exactly what I mean, and you know
exactly when it started. It was as soon as I told you I loved you.
He stared at her for a moment, then shrugged. You want me to
deny it?
No, damn it, I don t want you to deny anything. I just want to
know why your knowing I love you changed things between us.
I ve got a lot on my mind. The success of my assignment is ridin
on tonight, so I
Don t you dare lie to me, Blu Cahill. I can stand a lot of things, but
not you lying. Now tell me the truth. Please.
The seconds crawled by. Finally, he took another deep breath,
exhaled slowly, and then said, All right. The truth is, knowing you
lo uh, how you feel about me, doesn t change anything. If I acted
like what you said mattered, you might start hoping for something
that ain t gonna happen.
When Delana didn t reply, he said, Does that answer your question?
She lifted her chin. Yes, but there s something else I want to know.
You said you never get involved with ladies, yet you did with me. Was
it because I was the only woman around, a convenient female, so you
used me for
Used you! he said in a near-roar, uncrossing his arms and taking
a step toward her. If there s been any using around here, you d better
look at yerself.
What! How can you say such a thing?
It s damn easy, darlin , cause it s true. You ve been using me from
the day you convinced me to help you get out of Austin.
As I recall, I didn t need to do a whole lot of convincing. You were
more than willing to help me.
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That ain t the point, he said, his voice rising again. He took a deep
breath, then continued in a calmer tone. The point is, ever since that
first day, you used me for all kinds of things. Teaching you how to
cook, how to wash clothes, how to do just about everything around
here. You even used me to show you what being with a man was like.
His final statement drained the heat from her simmering temper.
Oh, Blu, she said, shaking her head. You don t really believe I
tricked you into becoming intimate with me, do you?
He rubbed the side of his jaw, then exhaled heavily. After a moment,
he said, No, I don t believe that. I was just angry and frustrated, and
spoke out of turn.
Delana tipped her head to one side, studying his face for several
seconds. At last, she said, How do you feel about me, Blu?
What does it matter?
It matters because . . . because I think you love me, too. And I want
to know if it s true.
He stood absolutely still for so long, she thought he wasn t going to
answer.
Then he sighed. Okay, he said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Yeah, I love you.
Her breath caught, and her heart thumped hard against her ribs.
Hope sweeping over her, she started moving toward him, but he held
up a hand to stop her.
Don t, Delana. Nothing s changed.
But . . . we love each other. That should change everything.
He shook his head. Not for me.
Her mouth dropped open, then snapped shut, her temper once again
rising to a slow boil. Love isn t something to toss aside. Yet that s what
you re planning on doing. You re going to throw away a chance at a life-
time of love and happiness with me and she placed a hand over her
belly our child, because of your pigheaded notion that you might
turn out like your father.
Child! His eyebrows shot up. You re pregnant?
She took a shuddering breath. Maybe. Then, acknowledging what
she d suspected for several weeks, she added, Probably.
When he did nothing more than stare at her, she said, To quote
you, nothing s changed. I want us to be together because we love each
other, because we want to be a family. There s enough money in my
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trust fund for us to have a wonderful life. We d never want for any-
thing. She took another deep breath, easing it out through the tight-
ness in her throat. Foolishly I d hoped you d want the same for us,
but if the love we have for each other isn t enough, then I don t know
what else to say.
She started to turn away, then swung back to face him. One more
thing. Just in case your conscience actually bothers you about your
own child, you needn t worry. We ll do just fine without you.
Not waiting to see if he d respond, she turned on her heel and
marched toward the house, head held high so he wouldn t know the
extent of her anguish.
Only after she heard him ride away did she give in to the pain of
her crushed hope. The ache squeezing her heart so intensely she
barely could breathe, she ran down the hall and went into the second
bedroom. Falling to her knees beside the cradle, she choked back a
sob, then finally gave in to the tears welling in her eyes and burning
her throat.
* * *
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