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"Completely sure."
"But Manowitz happens to be my best friend."
"Also your worst enemy," Sitwell replied. "Sometimes it works like that. Goodbye, Mr.
Edelstein, and good luck with your three wishes."
"Wait!" Edelstein cried. He wanted to ask a million ques- tions; but he was embarrassed
and he asked only, "How can it be that hell is so crowded?"
"Because only heaven is infinite," Sitwell told him.
"You know about heaven, loo?"
"Of course. It's the parent corporation. But now 1 realty must be getting along. I have an
appointment in Poughkeep- sie. Good luck, Mr. Edelstein."
Sitwell waved and turned and walked out through the locked solid door.
Edelstein. sat perfectly still for five minutes. He thought about Eddie Manowitz. His worst
enemy! That was laugh- able; hell had really gotten its wires crossed on that piece of
212 Robert Sheckley
information. He had known Manowitz for twenty years, saw him nearly every day. played
chess and gin rummy with him. They went for walks together, saw movies together, at least
one night a week they ate dinner together.
It was true. of course, that Manowitz could sometimes open up a big mouth and overstep
the boundaries of good taste.
Sometimes Manowitz could be downright rude.
To be perfectly honest, Manowitz had, on more than one occasion, been insulting.
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"But we're friends," Edelstein said to himself. "We are friends, aren't we?"
There was an easy way to test it, he realized. He could wish for $1,000,000. That would
give Manowitz $2,000,000. But so what? Would he, a wealthy man, care that his best friend
was wealthier?
Yes! He would care! He damned well would care! It would eat his life away if a wise guy like
Manowitz got rich on Edelstein's wish.
"My God!" Edelstein thought. "An hour ago, I was a poor but contented man. Now I have
three wishes and an enemy."
He found that he was twisting his hands together again. He shook his head. This was going
to need some thought.
In the next week, Edelstein managed to get a leave of absence from his job and sat day
and night with a pen and pad in his hand. At first, he couldn't get his mind off castles.
Castles seemed to go with wishes- But, on second thought, it was not a simple matter.
Taking an average dream castle with a ten-foot-thick stone wall, grounds and the rest, one
had to consider the matter of upkeep. There was heating to worry about, the cost of serveral
servants, because anything less would iook ridiculous.
So it came at last to a matter of money.
I could keep up a pretty decent castle on $2000 a week, Edelstein thought, jotting Figures
down rapidly on his pad.
But that would mean that Manowitz would be maintaining two castles on $4000 a week'
By the second week. Edelstein had gotten past castles and was speculating feverishly on
the endless possibilties and
THE SAME TO YOU DOUBLED 213
combinations of travel. Would it be too much to ask for a cruise around the world? Perhaps
it would; he wasn't even sure he was up to it- Surely he could accept a summer in Europe?
Even a two-week vacation at the Fonlainebleau in Miami Beach to rest his nerves.
But Manowitz would get two vacations! If Edelstein stayed at the Fontainebleau. Manowitz
would have a penthouse suite at the Key Largo Colony Club. Twice.
It was almost better to stay poor and to keep Manowitz deprived.
Almost, but not quite.
During the final week, Edelstein was getting angry and des- perate, even cynical- He said
to himself, I'm an idiot, how do I know that there's anything to this? So Sitwell could walk
through doors; does that make him a magician? Maybe I've been worried about nothing.
He surprised himself by standing up abruptly and saying, in a loud, firm voice, "I want twenty
thousand dollars and I want it right now."
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He felt a gentle tug at his right buttock. He pulled out his wallet. Inside it, he found a certified
check made out to him for $20.000.
He went down to his bank and cashed the check, trembling, certain that the police would
grab him. The manager looked at the check and initiated it. The teller asked him what
denominations he wanted it in. Edelstein told the teller to credit it to his account.
As he left the bank, Manowitz came rushing in, an expres- sion of fear, joy and
bewilderment on his face.
Edelstein hurried home before Manowitz could speak to him. He had a pain in his stomach
for the rest of the day.
Idiot* He had asked for only a lousy $20,000. But Manowitz had gotten $40,000!
A man could die from the aggravation.
Edelstein spent his days alternating between apathy and rage. That pain in the stomach
had come back, which meant that he was probably giving himself an ulcer.
It was all so damned unfair! Did he have to push himself into an early grave, worrying about
Manowitz?
214 Robert Sheckley
Yes!
For now he realized that Manowitz was really his enemy and that the thought of enriching his
enemy was literally killing him.
He thought about that and then said to himself, Edelstcin, listen to me; you can't go on like
this, you must get some satisfaction!
But how?
He paced up and down his apartment. The pain was defi- nitely an ulcer; what else could it
be?
Then it came to him. Edelstein stopped pacing. His eyes rolled wildly and, seizing paper
and pencil, he made some lightning calculations. When he finished, he was flushed,
excited happy for the first time since SitwelFs visit.
He stood up. He shouted, "1 want six hundred pounds of chopped chicken liver and 1 want
it at once!"
The caterers began to arrive within five minutes.
Edelstein ate several giant portions of chopped chicken liver, stored two pounds of it in his
refrigerator and sold most of the rest to a caterer at half price, making over $700 on the
deal.'The janitor had to take away 75 pounds mat had been overlooked. Edelstein had a
good laugh at the thought of Manowitz standing in his apartment up to his neck in chopped
chicken liver.
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